Nightmares and Moonlight
by Lady of the Green Kirtle
Summary: She seems at peace, with her long hair drifting on a lazy breeze and her silky blue-grey dress pulled up in her loose fists, revealing her slip. This girl doesn't seem to even see him. Then she turns to him and looks right in his eyes, right in his mind and through his ribcage to his heart which for once isn't so so numb, and he counts his heartbeats and thinks 'she's beautiful'.
1. Blaise

She's standing in the garden by herself when he sees her. Her hair is so pale it looks like moonlight is spilling down her back and she's even paler like a statue made of ice and moon and bright blue eyes that look like those sapphires on his mother's necklace. The necklace she always used to wear when she went out with another rich man who would eventually die and leave her all his money. He had always sat with the housekeeper in the kitchen and his mother would come by with red red lipstick and her hair up and a dress that was indecent for the pureblood society they belonged in and she would look him in the eye and say 'Darling, aren't I beautiful?' and he'd be still because he wouldn't know what she wanted. He wouldn't want to disappoint her. He doesn't know what this fragile girl standing in the garden wants either. She seems at peace, with her long hair drifting on a lazy breeze and her silky blue-grey dress pulled up in her loose fists, revealing her slip. This girl doesn't seem to even see him. Then she turns to him and looks right in his eyes, right in his mind and through his ribcage to his heart which for once isn't so so numb, and he counts his heartbeats and thinks 'she's beautiful'.

The next month, he's in a hotel room in Buenos Aires and he doesn't know how he got here, doesn't remember last night or really doesn't even remember the previous morning, if he's being honest, which he never is so why does it even matter, and he stumbles to the balcony and looks out and thinks 'what am I doing?'

Later that day, after all the strange women are gone from his room and it's just him and his thoughts and Theo who stuck around for whatever reason, and he just wants a drink because his hangover is pounding and he can hear his heart and Theo is looking at him like he wants to cry. He remembers why he is never around Theo for long. Theo believes he can be better and nothing hurts him as much as having to prove Theo wrong every day all day and he just can't do it anymore. Theo thinks that because it will all be alright because he loves Blaise, like in some absurd fairy tale, but Blaise knows that nothing is okay and that love won't save either of them. He's heard Theo screaming as he sleeps, lost in nightmares, a haze of Voldemort and battles and his father and scars and heartbreak, and Blaise doesn't know how to make himself better, much less Theo too. When he ends up broken, he wants Theo to stay away because that's what love is, love is making sure that the ones you love stay clear when you are a mess about to break, an empty glass about to shatter. He just wants Theo to go and love someone who isn't twisted and addicted and flawed and messy and angry. Someone who can fix Theo like Blaise never can, who can make Theo forget what's happened to him, forget the pain, forget the feeling of being trapped as things spiral out of control. Blaise knows that feeling, he tries to hide from it with drinking and girls and public disgrace. He wants Theo to not love him, to be safe from him. Theo never loves who he should though. So Blaise puts down his drink and takes Theo's face in his hand and kisses him so gently and he means to be kind, to be gentle, but then he remembers why kissing Theo is a mistake and everything is heat and anger and love and ferocity. And his whole world is Theo's mouth and Theo's hair and just Theo's Theo-ness. And he can't help it and with his last controlled thought he begs 'Theo run, run, run while you can, run while there is time to still be safe' but he knows he won't because for all Theo's brains he can be so stupid.

And a while later, when Theo and Blaise are back in London after far too much public debauchery, they are solid, or more solid than usual, and Blaise has accepted for now that Theo won't leave and he's happy but he can't stop thinking about that blond girl in the garden at the Ministry benefit nearly six months ago and he knows it's wrong but he can't control it. He loves Theo as much as he's loved anything, more than his absent mother, his many stepfathers, his stern housekeeper, his angry tutor, even Draco when he had him. Draco is lost to him now though and he knows that wasn't the love he wanted, that he needed, that was just desperation. He curls his hand around Theo's shoulder and asks if he wants to go to Pansy's party. Theo nods and says 'Later though', and then Blaise gets a little lost for an hour or two and almost forgets the blond girl, the beauty he glimpsed and is distracted by Theo's lean frame and quick clever hands and wide green eyes. But afterward when he's kissing the curve of Theo's shoulder he remembers in the silence that he doesn't know her name. He needs to come clean to Theo who looks so beautiful right now that Blaise almost feels his heart breaking at what he needs to say, and who even knew that Slytherins needed morals? So he smiles and kisses Theo and says those hateful awful words that make Theo's eyes widen with worry 'We need to talk'. He says everything awkwardly and quickly, 'I saw this girl at this benefit and even with you I remember her' and then 'I'm sorry, so sorry, I can't even understand how you feel right now' and, 'please I love you', and Theo is shocked and his mouth is open and his eyes are so big and pressed against Theo, Blaise can feel Theo's heart rate increase as he talks and is so irrationally afraid of getting his heart broken he doesn't breathe. But then Theo proves his own worth and his wonder and he shows Blaise why he loves him again and Theo just looks at Blaise and says 'Well, let's find her tonight at the party and take a look,' and then he says with a smirk 'I want to see my competition,' and Blaise smiles with relief so intense he feels weak.

At the party, they walk in the door and Pansy runs up with a bunch of shots and yells at them to 'Have fun, you idiots' and she's a mess, with a flushed face and her dark bob is messy and these huge wings of eyeshadow surround her eyes and she's so drunk that it's clear she's been making out with half bloods. Pansy's usually a beautiful mess, kind of like Blaise, she sleeps with anyone and everyone and is a whirlwind of choppy hair and smudged bloody lipstick and wide wide eyes that are hopeless and lost and wild and she's always breathless afraid of what might happen if she slowed down enough to think. Theo puts his arm around Blaise and murmurs against his ear, just a pulse through his skin and it makes Blaise shiver with wanting Theo to stay close like that. Then he sees the girl and he's astonished because she's just as beautiful as he remembers, almost as lovely as Theo, like a glossy porcelain figure with mermaid hair and blue beads for eyes, so blue they can't be real. But then she collides with him and he knows that she is real, because she's solid and he can feel her hip pressed against his stomach and he can smell her hair and she looks like moonlight and smells like mint. And he looks to Theo who smiles and nods, seeming to tell him that they can share her if Blaise wants, like they shared Draco, and the three of them can share love and secrets and longing and sunsets and everything about anything. And Blaise can't breathe because all of a sudden life makes a weird twisted sort of sense, so instead of breathing, he turns to the girl and says all in a rush 'This is Theo, I'm Blaise and we wanted to know if you want to come get a drink with us' and the girl smiles like the sun is coming up and says 'I'm called Luna' and then she winks and says 'Of course'.


	2. Theo

Theodore Nott is generally considered a sensible person. A Slytherin to be sure, but a sensible one, a Slytherin who can be made to see logic and reason. Theo's sensible attitude manifests itself in three ways. Theo is always on time. Theo listens when people speak, no matter their blood status, their friends or their House. Theo doesn't always agree, but listening is generally a good precursor to forming an opinion, in his mind. Theo also has ten Truths. According to his psychiatrist, Theo's Truths are a defense mechanism that evolved from his abusive father's causing him to doubt everything and second guess himself constantly. Essentially, the Truths are a sign of Theo's messed up childhood and PTSD from the war. Blaise thinks that the Truths are a bit silly but is still tolerant of Theo's need for them. Luna hates them. Luna tells Theo that nothing is certain, that the only limits are the imagination, that anything is possible. That is not a welcome idea, in Theo's mind, considering that half of his Truths deal with impossibility as safety. Theo doesn't much like Luna. Blaise thinks that Luna invented the wand and is cleverer than all the Hogwarts headmasters. This is becoming an issue.

Theo sees Blaise entering the room and is relieved that Luna is not with him. He turns to Blaise and asks where she is. Blaise responds "Oh, somewhere…" with a slightly dreamy smile. Theo frowns. Blaise used to need Theo to help him, to stop his cycle of self destruction. Now, it seems that Luna's dreamy, slightly batty imagination is usurping their close relationship. Theo knows that he needs to tell Blaise how he feels. He's watched enough movies to know that if he doesn't, their relationship will corrode for no reason other than mistrust and lack of communication. He didn't object to Luna at all when they started dating her three months ago. He thought she was sweet, albeit a bit naive. He thought she would make their relationship richer, more interesting. And she did. For a while. Then, she was everywhere and Theo had only ever loved one person in his life and he wasn't ready to try and love two. But Luna hadn't actually done anything that they couldn't have addressed until she questioned the Truths. That was Theo's number one rule. You do not question the Truths. He knows that if you question the Truths, pretty soon you are in free fall, with nothing to ground you, nothing to separate past and present and future and the things inside his head. When he hallucinates, Blaise gets frightened and doesn't know what to do, so he goes and gets drunk, which is really rather counterproductive. One of the beautiful things about Luna is that she knows where Theo's meds are and she knows how to sit next to him and rub his back. In fact, that's what was happening when he first mentioned the Truths. He explained that Truth number one is that he is Alive. She inclined her head, or at least he thinks she did, I mean he wasn't really all there at the moment, and she said something he couldn't hear over the sound of his own hyperventilating and she shook her head. That damning head shake. There was the line and there was Luna, on the other side. And he couldn't confront her about it right now because he was a little busy defending himself from his drunk father at the moment, sorry. He could see his father's leer and he could see Luna and he knew, quite logically, that negative association was going on but he couldn't really help it. Anyway, Luna's disregard for the Truths, which she dismissed as nonsense and limitations sealed the deal. It doesn't matter how wonderful someone is if they completely reject your life philosophy.

So now, he explains to Blaise that Luna doesn't believe in the Truths. Blaise says calmly, "Why don't you talk to her about it?" and Theo recognizes that the idea definitely has merit. So he waits on the sofa until Luna comes home later that day, around four. He says that they should talk, and he explains that the Truths are very important and he can't be with someone, no matter how lovely they are, who throws away the Truths as nonsense. She nods seriously, and then, to Theo's shock, says that she's trying to help him realize his delusions are in fact, delusions. Now, Theo is a bit offended that she just called him delusional. He looks at her, surprised. He always thought she respected him. She adds that Blaise and her have discussed him, discussed him, like a dog they are trying to decide if they want to put down, and that Blaise and her think that humoring his delusions, that word again, delusions, is making him worse. In fact, she adds, they were talking about maybe some group therapy for him, with other wizards and witches who survived the war. Theo stares at her. She smiles at him cheerfully, like she expects him to be happy that she thinks he's unstable. "Now, Theo, don't be like that," comes Blaise's voice from the door. Theo turns to Blaise, the one person he's ever loved and he sees that Blaise is looking incredibly self righteous. Theo says "I don't believe that this is a good environment for my recovery. I believe that I should move away for a bit." He knows that this is a big deal, but he doesn't really know what to do. In the past, Blaise was always on his side. Telling him what to do. Now, Blaise comes over to where Theo's sitting and sits down next to him and tells him that maybe it's for the best. Theo knows that Blaise is pushing him away, like he does every few months. Normally, though, Blaise cites his own issues. He's never used Theo as the problem. He looks at Luna, who he thought might have been on his side, although it's clear she isn't anymore. So he stands up and says what he's feeling, "I think that using my mental issues as a reason to push me away, Blaise, is quite unkind, especially when I'm trying to move on, to be better. I just, you don't," Theo is annoyed to discover himself breaking down. "It's hard. Neither of you have it the way I do. I get that you want to be together, without a damaged third link, but I love you. And I don't want you to push me away. I want us to all be together. But both of you seem to think I'm crazy, and I can't live with people who think that. Because I'm not crazy. The Truths don't mean I'm crazy. I'm not crazy." He knows that now he's saying it to reassure himself as well, because he can see crows in the room. He can hear screaming in his ears. He feels his scars throbbing like new pain. He shudders. Luna is looking at him with an intense sort of confusion. She asks if he wants what's best for Blaise. She says that Blaise can't handle Theo, not like this. She says all the right things, in a voice from Hell. So logical. And everyone knows that Theo doesn't argue with Logic. Logic and the Truths. The last pure things. So he looks at Blaise, who won't meet his eyes and Luna, who will but has no compassion, and he shrugs.

The next day, he moves to Nott Manor.


	3. Luna

**Hi, guys! Here's the final chapter of Nightmares and Moonlight. It's a Luna POV. Hope you like it! Now I'm free to attend to my other writing, so I'm hopeful that I can be more active than I was over** **the** **summer!**

 **Thanks,**

 **Lady of the Green Kirtle**

 **Luna knows that Theo feels betrayed. She saw it in his eyes when he** looked at Blaise pleadingly and got no response. She also knows that Theo leaving is best for all of them. Blaise can't heal with Theo around. Hell, she can't heal with Theo around. She knows it's wrong to just cast Theo aside because he's broken, but some things are too broken to fix.

Theo is too broken for anyone to fix.

And if he can't help her fix Blaise then he needs to stop doing more damage at least. She sees how Blaise gets when Theo has an episode. He becomes moody and withdrawn and gets drunk.

He never cries though. He would cry if Theo was fixable. They have all three given up on Theo.

Luna can still hear Theo's voice in her head, telling her he's trying. She knows that he is. He just isn't trying hard enough. He isn't building himself up fast enough. Theo's therapist says that he could be better faster. That he doesn't feel the need to hurry. So Luna will wait until he's better to let him come home. She's going to make him feel that pressure.

She goes to the living room. Blaise is sitting by the window, looking out. His phone is on the table. She can see the screen light up, with another text from Theo. She picks it up and reads a few words. Theo's pleading even now, the text reads **I LOVE YOU, WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?**. Luna frowns and blocks Theo. She comes up behind Blaise and puts a hand on his shoulder. He pulls her into his lap and she smiles. He presses his face into her neck and whispers something. She asks him to repeat himself. He says it again "I do love him. This is killing me." She sighs. "Don't you love me?" she asks, curious and testing. "I love both of you." He replies. "I need both of you." She shakes her head. She doesn't know much, but she knows that isn't how love works. She says as much. He frowns at her. Then he puts her on the couch and scoots away from her to face her. She knows that they're gearing up for a fight.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You can't love two people the same. You have to love one of us more."

"I don't. If you really loved me, you wouldn't make me choose."

"It's wrong. No one else does that because it's wrong."

"Does what, exactly?"

"Loves two people romantically."

"So I'm no one? Theo understood."

Luna gasps like Blaise just slapped her. Bringing Theo into this was out of line. Luna isn't ready to question how she feels. She knows that she isn't supposed to love Blaise and be attracted to Theo. She thought that maybe if Theo left it would fix things inside her. It hasn't.

The next day, Luna goes to see Theo at Nott Manor. He opens the door, pale and messy haired. When he sees it's her, he doesn't know what to say. She asks to come in.

Inside she kisses him and tells him that Blaise missed him. That she was wrong. That she pushed him away because she was afraid of what she felt. He asks if the therapist actually said that. She tells him that she did, but that Luna and Blaise don't believe it. She asks him to come home.

He does. Blaise cries when he sees him. Doesn't let go of Theo for three hours. Tells him he loves him. Tells Luna he loves her.

And Luna kisses Blaise's mouth and turns to Theo, and for once, she says the right thing.

Luna looks him in the eye and says "I love you."


End file.
